Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
Randomize
