ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
SEEEEXXX PLEASE
nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
Randomize
