yeah, but that could mean anything in Denmark.
Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
Randomize
