why am i having a flashback about somewhere we were this weekend with music videos playing? Spike jonze brothers place?? Help me out
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
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