She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
We need to feng shui this bitch.
Randomize
