So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
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