He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
Randomize
