I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
Randomize
