Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
Randomize
