you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
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