mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
You can't special order awesome
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
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