So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
It's gotten to the point where even copying off yahoo answers is still way too much work.
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
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Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
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I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
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