I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
Randomize
