where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
Randomize
