please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
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