You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
Randomize
