Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
She actually asked me 'is it in yet?' I deleted the vid.
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
And my parents said I crawled through the house
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
Randomize
