If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
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