The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Randomize