The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
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