Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
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