maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
Randomize
