ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
Bang-toberfest begins!!
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
