At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
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