sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
Im part way to drunk.
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
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