i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
Randomize
