I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
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