Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
Randomize
