im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
Randomize
