I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
This is my gift to your gina
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
Randomize
