its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Randomize
