from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
Randomize
