She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
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