okay pat passed out under dana's car
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
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