Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
Randomize
