afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
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