Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
Randomize
