I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
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