Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
why is half of my head shaved?
Randomize
