im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
Randomize
