Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
Randomize
