God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize
