Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
Randomize
