Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
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