My first STD was from a foam party
i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
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