I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
Randomize
