Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Randomize
