its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
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