I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
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