I cannot find my penis.
just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
Randomize
