Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
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