I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
Randomize
