is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
Randomize
