I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
Randomize
