I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
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